Comfortable or Complacent?

How many people believe in true love anymore? I’ve been lucky enough to see couples that I believe are truly in love, designed specifically for each other. They inspire me each day with their playful banter, their commitment and dedication to each other, and the way they handle challenges as a team. They look at each other in a way that defines the definition of love. The fact that I’ve seen real life people find that kind of love keeps me from giving up on finding that for myself.

Then there are those couples where the look of love isn’t in their eyes, they seem to be together for convenience instead of desire. You see them together and you can tell they’re not excited to be in their relationship. The longer they settle for comfortable the harder it is to get out. It starts strong but then they may move in together or something in them changes over time and they realize the person that they were initially attracted to is gone.

After so many years the guy proposes because he feels like that’s the next logical step and she says yes because she loves him but it doesn’t mean she’s in love with him. The stress of planning a wedding or having kids doesn’t help and they finally hit their breaking point. They knew they weren’t right for each but they felt it was right to stay together because they invested so much time in one another.

Too many people go into relationships for the wrong reasons or without a solid foundation. The older we get, the less we are willing to take risks in our love lives. Coming from someone who doesn’t enjoy the process of dating I understand the willingness to stay in a relationship simply because you’re comfortable with the person. But does being comfortable equal happiness?

Dating to me isn’t fun, fun is when you find someone to share experiences and grow with. When you meet someone new it means learning all of their likes and dislikes, their sense of humor, things that upset them, how they argue, how they show their love. You have to do the same thing for them. They don’t know that you don’t like to be called a certain pet name, or that your weight is a sensitive subject for you, or how you like to kiss. For some people, the initial attraction and discovery is seamless, it feels like you’ve know them forever. For others it can become a process that takes months to feel like you’ve scratched the surface of uncovering their personality and preferences.

Then, what if you find that person who makes you feel alive, makes your heartbeat speed up whenever you’re around them, and no one else can hold a candle to but for whatever reason you don’t end up together? Does that mean the person you do end up with is just a consolation prize? How many true loves do we get? One? Two? Unlimited amounts based on how willing we are to move on from the last love?

If you fall in love with someone else, does that mean your past loves weren’t the real deal? They say that when it’s real, you’ll know. What they don’t tell you is how you’ll know. There are so many people in the world, how will we be sure we end up with “the one”? Or will we end up with the “good enough one”? We can’t have everything we want in life, but is it possible for all of us to have true love?


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