Hello (2016)….It’s Me

I’ve never been one for New Years resolutions. I never started smoking so I never had to make a resolution to quit. I know I’m not going to start working out more so why waste a resolution on that. Everything that I want to do i.e. spend more time with family, travel someplace I’ve always wanted to go, have a more positive outlook on things, I can do anytime. Instead of making a promise to myself that I’m going to start doing something on January 1st, I respond better to challenging myself that I’m going to complete a goal by a certain time.

Although 2015 has been full of incredible moments and I’ve been very blessed with certain opportunities to travel and experience things others haven’t, I’m not satisfied with where my life is. A big distraction has been my love, hate relationship with social media. There are days where I have deactivated my account swearing to leave it behind but then I think back to all of the good times we’ve shared. I end up feeling bad for abandoning the relationship I’ve built with it over the last few years and reluctantly sign back in.

If I kept track, I probably wasted months of 2015 on social media. Scrolling through my timeline, constantly checking the responses I get from what I post, trying to figure out the love lives of the celebrities I follow, getting lost trying to figure out why certain people come up on my popular page, creeping on the page of the guy I like making sure not to like any pictures from 2 years ago. A complete waste of time when I could be doing things to work towards my goals.

In an ideal world I would be using social media as a platform to share my experiences and ventures with other people and they would respond in a positive and supportive way. That has not always been the case. It seems as if when you really need people to show up for you, they’re too busy. But if you post a selfie or a video of cats fighting, they have time to engage you.

Then there’s the pressure it creates. Constantly comparing your life and what you have or don’t have to what other people have achieved. Like how everyone I’ve ever known either got engaged, married, or announced a pregnancy this year. Then when I choose to share moments in my life, those moments become everyone’s moment. If things don’t work out the way I hoped, I’m constantly reminded of that by the “What’s going on with (insert disappointment here)?” questions.

The older I get, the more I realize how valuable time is and how it’s not promised to anyone. My time could be cut short tomorrow and I would have to look back on the last year and face the fact that it was mostly spent trolling the internet. I can’t sit here and complain about not being where I want to be in life when I haven’t dedicated the proper time to reaching my goals. There are some things that are out of my control like meeting a guy I actually like (which is harder than it sounds). Until that happens, I need to focus on the other ways I can lead a fulfilling life.

My goals by this time next year is to find a writing job that I’ll actually enjoy and move to New York. Even though all of the jobs that I apply for require 45 years of writing experience that I don’t have, I will write this blog in the meantime. To exercise my writing abilities until I land the job that’s out there waiting for me. If I speak things into existence and have a more positive attitude, my chances of success are greater. I think I read that somewhere.

So even if I don’t have the personal life I desire, I’ll have a professional life that will distract me from feeling like I’m missing out on something. I guess if I had to make a resolution for this year, it would be to stop allowing distractions or set backs keep me from focusing on what I want to achieve.

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