Once I gave up on dating, that’s when I really began having fun in social settings. Since I was a teen I put so much effort into going out. Even if it was supposed to be a casual night out with my friends, I still had expectations of how I wanted my night to go. I would spend time doing my hair, usually over and over and because it would never turn out right the first time. I would apply concealer under my eyes, put on foundation, then drew on my eyebrows. (I inherited the light eyebrows of my mom and grandmother so it’s not my fault.) My outfit needed to be form fitting and either low cut or high cut. Something to show off my assets without looking like I was trying to show them off.
And no matter what I had to put on heels. There was no choice in that matter. Even though my feet would hurt before I even left the house. I was told pain equaled beauty. Then I headed out to the door to spend 30 minutes looking for parking. Once I arrived inside my destination I was in for hours of standing in painful shoes, having drinks spilled on my carefully chosen outfit, while being bumped into the entire night. All in the hopes of meeting a potential suitor. Time after time I would wobble back to my car at the end of the night, drive home to take off the make up I put on, and store away another outfit because if I took a photo in it, I couldn’t wear it for at least another year. All while having met not one man I was interested in. I ended up counting down the minutes until it was time to leave instead of having fun. After every night out I would ask myself, why do I keep doing this?
98% of the men in any given room are shorter than me without heels on so it doesn’t make any sense for me to tower over them by an extra 2-4 inches. Who is actually comfortable in heels? I get that your feet may become accustomed to the pain you inflict on them but when given the choice I’m sure most feet would choose flats. Sarah Jessica Parker who wore heels on an almost daily basis for years for her role in Sex and City revealed that her doctor informed her that her feet had developed bones that weren’t supposed to be there because of heels. Her feet were permanently damaged by wearing stilettos for so long. I will admit, for those that wear them, they look amazing on. I get that they make your calves look amazing and provide a little lift for the bottom. But for me, the pain isn’t worth it.
It took me almost a decade of going out to realize that all the work I put into my appearance was being wasted because no one cared. I was more concerned about what I looked like than anyone else. That’s when I finally decided to stop wasting time on getting ready to go out. If I hadn’t met anyone interesting after putting in all of that work, why not just be comfortable and take my chances in a more natural state. Dressing up wouldn’t change the number of men that approached me. If they weren’t interested in me without the glam and tight dresses then they weren’t right for me anyway.
After several nights of going out and observing the interactions between men and women, either people came in coupled up or they stayed within the group that they came with. Men would look, and look hard, even after the person they were looking at began to ignore them but they would rarely approach anyone. You may see them whisper to their friends while looking in a woman’s direction but that’s as far as they would go to show they are interested. I’ve had men position themselves next to me, smile until they’re blue in the face, then walk away. Now if I see them looking and I position myself next to them, then they may find some corny pick up line to say. But it appears to become a situation where if you don’t approach them, they’ll just watch you like you’re in a museum. I’ve given up on trying to decode the signs. Interacting with me is very simple. Initiate a conversation.
Now I’ve made it a point to go out for myself, that way I know I’ll have fun. I don’t feel self conscious about what I’m wearing because I’m comfortable and that’s all that matters to me. If I meet a guy or not, I’ve realized that my life is full regardless so I can eye flirt or have meaningless banter with someone and walk away not wondering why they didn’t ask for my number. I can have stress free nights with my friends or even by myself because I’ve taken the pressure off of the entire process. And my feet thank me every time.