Last week I went on my first first date in several months. I say that to be modest because I can’t remember the last first date I’ve been on. Even though my potential suitor and I got off to a rocky start over text message, our first meeting went pretty well. We spent hours eating, drinking, and talking. I thought, I wouldn’t mind hanging out with this guy again but there were no sparks flying or heart eyes emojis being used.
When you are in the beginning stages of the dating process you have no idea how that relationship will end up. You may want to continue getting to know that person or very quickly decide that they are not for you and part ways. After personally spending several years dating unsuccessfully due to Early Stage Dating Blindness I’ve had to make major adjustments to my dating habits. By that I mean that I allowed myself to quickly fall for guy based on small amounts of information that made them seem desirable. While suffering from ESDB I wasn’t able to see all of the negative or questionable behavior the other person was exhibiting.
I no longer allowed myself to get too excited about a person early on. No more planning ahead for what our relationship would be like, every person was now handled one day at a time. No matter how great the first (or even second) date may have been. Basing my feelings on limited amounts of information never turned out in my favor. Generally the beginning of getting to know someone only uncovers the surface layer of a person. They are allowing you to see the side of them that they want you to see.
You haven’t seen them upset, stressed, or in other situations where their personality may change. Maybe they will be consistent, and may they turn into a monster when the sun sets, you won’t know unless you spend more time with them. I believe that all of us have a little crazy in us. We just have to find the person who loves our crazy sides. With that said, you can’t give them all the crazy upfront. You have to ease into it so the other person has time to adjust. We all have quirky sides to us that we only show people after they’ve learned to love us. How many friends would we really have if we gave it all away upfront?
So back to my date…. The guy and I had only been texting for a couple of weeks. We spent 3 hours together on a date, and that was the sum total of our time spent together. During the date he didn’t really ask me a lot of questions. I’m an open book but he only seemed to want to read the back cover instead of opening the pages. I tried to ask him certain questions to which he responded, “I’ll tell you on the second date”. Which can be a cute way of trying to see someone again but nonetheless he was avoiding certain topics of discussion. From what I knew about him so far, I wasn’t envisioning a future with him but I was willing to give him a chance.
Instead things took a turn for the awkward. I’m a super loving person. I can be as mushy and affection as the next person but not after one date. This guy was not on the same page. After our date he started with the usual text, “I can’t wait to see you again” or “I liked spending time with you” which was cool. But then he started to send multiple kissy face emojis with hearts and started calling me things like “babe” and “pretty lady”. I personally thought it was too soon for pet names but I tried to let it go because maybe that’s what he did in a past relationship and thought I liked things like that. Then he got heavy with text like “what do you want from me”, “where do you see this going”, and”I like you”.
Generally you want people to like you but when I asked him why, he didn’t have an answer. We really didn’t know much about each other. We weren’t even friends on social media yet. That was a red flag to me. We hadn’t even scheduled a second date yet and he was ready to plan our future. It was clear that he was suffering from ESDB.
While not making an actual effort to get to know me, he was also coming on way too strong. In the past I would’ve jumped for joy that a guy was so eager to share his feelings and lock down a commitment since that was such a rarity from guys. But this guy wasn’t giving me vibes that we were a good fit for each other. He would’ve known that had he taken the time to ask me in depth questions about myself. As someone who has wasted more than enough time on guys that weren’t right for me but I was too charmed by them to tell, I had to look at situations sans feelings or outside influence. If I still had ESDB, that guy might be trying to move in together right now.